Monday, December 19, 2005

What if Jesus was born in 2005?

One of my mom's friends sent this to her. I thought it was a hoot. Enjoy!
By the way its a satire in case you didn't know.


INFANT DISCOVERED IN BARN, CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES LAUNCH PROBE
Nazareth Carpenter Being Held On Charges Involving Underage Mother
Bethlehem, Judea - Authorities were today alerted by a concerned citizen who noticed a family living in a barn. Upon arrival, Family Protective Service personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an infant child named Jesus, who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough by his 14-year old mother, Mary of Nazareth. During the confrontation, a man identified as Joseph, also of Nazareth, attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by several local shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to forestall efforts to take the child, but were restrained by the police. Also being held for questioning are three foreigners who allege to be wise men from an eastern country. The INS and Homeland Security officials are seeking information about these who may be in the country illegally. A source with the INS states that they had no passports, but were in possession of gold and other possibly illegal substances. They resisted arrest saying that they had been warned by God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own country. The chemical substances in their possession will be tested. The owner of the barn is also being held for questioning. The manager of Bethlehem Inn faces possible revocation of his license for violating health and safety regulations by allowing people to stay in the stable. Civil authorities are also investigating the zoning violations involved in maintaining livestock in a commercially-zoned district. The location of the minor child will not be released, and the prospect for a quick resolution to this case is doubtful. Asked about when Jesus would be returned to his mother, a Child Protective Service spokesperson said, "The father is middle-aged and the mother definitely underage. We are checking with officials in Nazareth to determine what their legal relationship is. Joseph has admitted taking Mary from her home in Nazareth because of a census requirement. However, because she was obviously pregnant when they left, investigators are looking into other reasons for their departure. Joseph is being held without bond on charges of molestation, kidnapping, child endangerment, and statutory rape. Mary was taken to the Bethlehem General Hospital where she is being examined by doctors. Charges may also be filed against her for endangerment. She will also undergo psychiatric evaluation because of her claim that she is a virgin and that the child is from God. The director of the psychiatric wing said, "I don't profess to have the right to tell people what to believe, but when their beliefs adversely affect the safety and well-being of others - in this case her child - we must consider her a danger to others. The unidentified drugs at the scene didn't help her case, but I'm confidant that with the proper therapy regiment we can get her back on her feet." A spokesperson for the governor's office said, "Who knows what was going through their heads? But regardless, their treatment of the child was inexcusable, and the involvement of these others frightening. There is much we don't know about this case, but for the sake of the child and the public, you can be assured that we will pursue this matter to the end."

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Delusions of Grand Fear!

I found this movie poster on the web and it brought back lots of memories!
Summer nights in NC where I lived were filled with humidity, catching lightning bugs, BB gun wars, eating fresh watermelon and trying to get away with as much as we could without getting caught. I grew up in a neighborhood filled with little boys. All of us were athletes and all dreamed of strapping on uniforms of Carolina Blue and Redskin Red. We dreamed that we were the fastest and baddest around. We listened to AM radio, 1400 WSIC that had a play list of about 20 songs. We also went to the movies. It cost .75 cents to go to the Playhouse Theater in 1974 for nine a year old. We saw movies like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Bed knobs and Broomsticks and Herbie the Love Bug. There was also a movie out called The Legend of Boggy Creek. This had to be one of the worst movies of all time. I mean this movie was bad, terrible camera work, acting and script. It made the Blair Witch project look like Gone with the Wind. You need to know that in the 70’s we had a Big Foot craze. For a nine year old it was more like a Big Foot fear fest! There were stories constantly on the news about some guy running into Big Foot on some hunting trip. We all made the tragic mistake of going to see this horrible movie that was so poorly done, yet scared the Beelzebub out of all of us. The movie was about a small town of country folk terrorized by a Sasquatch/Big Foot/ Ape Man killer. The distance between the movies and a little boy’s reality are not far apart. Behind my small town home was, yep you guessed it, a boggy creek and 100 acres of hardwoods. At night strange noises would emanate from the woods and the boggy creek.
We told fairy tale stories about kids disappearing in those 100 acre woods. Awful bloody legends that made the peach fuzz stand up on the back of your neck. Those summer nights were the times when we felt most free and most afraid. These were the times where little boys either succumbed to fear or faced it like the men we hoped we’d become. At night we were positive that the Boggy Creek Monster was back there….waiting! I would stay late down the road at Joe’s house till it was way too dark to walk home alone. My little brother would punk out and leave before it got dark. (he was only 7 at the time). I would be faced with a ¼ mile walk home…in the dark! But I had a secret weapon. No one knew it, but when it was dark, no one was looking and I was scared of being bludgeoned to death and eaten by a hairy ape man… I had super powers. I’m not kidding! If those conditions were exactly aligned, I could run 60 mph, just like the 6 million dollar man. I would begin my treacherous journey home out of Joe’s driveway at a slow walk, listening for the beast. As soon as I heard a branch break or anything that sounded vaguely like ravenous monster I would begin my super sprint! I’d fly by Cricket and Andy’s house at break neck speed then by Duck Mayhew’s (who hated every child in the world) and then I’d finally, out of breath, make it to the sanctuary of the floodlight in front of our house! The wind would fly through my hair as I ran and running at 60 MPH it really pins your ears back. I was always sure that monster was right behind me. Arriving safely at home I’d stop and catch my breath and be thankful I had avoided certain death. The only problem was that during the day when we’d play football or have foot races…I was slow as rock! Go Figure.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

More soldiers sent!


We have a four point mission statement at our chapel service. Its very simple and Biblical. I kind of took it from the Campus Crusade's mission statement. If its good use it!
This picture is of Echo CO. They have some fine young men and women. Our mission statement is as follows:
We are here to:
Exalt God through Christ
Win soldiers to Christ
Build soldiers in Christ
Send soldiers for Christ

Echo graduates this week and many of them have come to Christ this cycle. Hopefully we have built them in Christ and now we send them…For Christ!

To all my friends in Echo Company, do not be afraid or dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go!

Saturday, December 03, 2005


Well Logan you finally made it here. Your first task in life accomplished with flying colors. You were probably God’s reason your daddy didn’t have to go to Afghanistan. He was on his way there when some kind of crazy Army glitch sent us home. He and I wondered why we were not allowed to be a part of the mission that we thought we were called to do. But we found out one reason and that was you! Because God’s plan is bigger than ours, your dad was there with your mom when you made your grand appearance and judging from your pictures you are fine looking young fellow. I’m not sure what you’ll do in life. That kind of thing is so far off. We can ponder about what kind of little boy you’ll be. Maybe you’ll be athletic and win a state championship in football, maybe you’ll devour books, and maybe you’ll love the outdoors…who knows? The possibilities are wide open for your life. Who knows what kind of man you’ll be. You might be soldier like your daddy or ride bulls in the rodeo to make mom happy. You might be brilliant and cure cancer or cerebral palsy. You might preach the Gospel all over the world and lead millions to Jesus. I’m not sure what you’ll do, but I’m less concerned about what you’ll do as to who you’ll be. My prayer is that whatever you do in life is that you’ll love God first and people along with that. My prayer is that you’ll make a difference in this dark world. My prayer is that your life will bring life to others. You have a wonderful mommy and daddy. They both have been waiting to see you and they both will provide a wonderful home for you. They’ll take care of you and point you in the right direction. They’ll keep you from harm and bandage your skint knees. All in all Logan you have been blessed by God and you don’t even know it yet. Happy birthday little man and may the Lord of Heaven be with you throughout your days!

The songs of life- Thanks to mom

My home was filled with music and people growing up. Mom loved music and can play an assortment of instruments but her favorites are th...