The 2022 Doritos Incident- Part 1

 

At the urging of my friend Tony who informed me that it had been some time since I had penned some thoughts here, I thought I'd jot down a few musings at his request. I suppose the biggest impact point of the last 12 months was a devastating injury that I suffered last June.

 

I had been to visit my father at the NC coast for Father's Day and had an amazing time with my wife, my brother and his wife along with my dad and his. But I also got to ride my bike on some flat roads, and I was feeling particularly strong. I had been training all spring to get myself ready for a cycling fundraiser I started in 2020 to benefit the nonprofit where I serve (www.phhusa.org).

 

We made our way home and the next day I went to work basking in the glow and looking forward to the rest of the summer. On my way home from work on what would be a fateful day, I stopped at a local convenience store to grab a Gatorade. While there I noticed a young lad, covered in dirty clothes, obviously just off a grimy job somewhere purchasing some post labor snacks.

 

They weren't healthy mind you, an assortment of sugar coated goods, sugar filled drinks and such and one average size bag of Doritos Nacho Cheese chips. I could tell by the way he was digging in his pockets that funding might be an issue and as I found out it was. He was kind of embarrassed as he looked around to see if anyone else had noticed his predicament.

 

The teller rang it all up and the total was more than was in his pockets so he began asking which things he should not buy in order to complete his purchase. Well, the Doritos made the cut list. So, he paid for his sugary goodness, left the Doritos and exited the establishment.

 

That's when it hit me, "You should by that kid those Doritos"

 

So, I did, and I left the store hoping to catch him before he left hungry, and he looked hungry. He was driving out of the parking lot and I noticed he caught at a red light at the corner. It was my chance. Now, at the time I was 56 years old and in good shape, but I know better at my age to take off sprinting after sitting at a desk doing zoom calls all day. So I eased into it, just a light jog. He wasn't going anywhere.

 

I came to the curb at the landscaping and just hopped. Nothing crazy, like a 5" hop over the curb and then the weirdest thing I ever felt happened, the inside of my right leg just fell apart. It’s really hard to describe. But my entire right leg just stopped functioning properly. I face planted into the bushes all the while hollering at this kid, "Hey dude, I've got your Doritos"

 

I'm lying there holding the bag waving the bag at him and out of the passenger window he looked at me and then promptly drove off out of my life.

 

At this point, my Dorito delivery became my secondary concern. I tried to get up but literally could not. I thought, did I break my leg, tear my ACL (I've done that before). I realized my knee cap was in a place it shouldn't be. I'm pretty certain if there was a high-def camera like they have in the NFL catching this incident, it would have found its way into millions of folks' phones as one of those "Joe Theismann" moments. You know the ones that you can't watch but can't look away

 

My quadricep had a weird depression in it too. Things were just not where they were supposed to be and then there was the pain, oh dear the pain! It was the kind of pain that makes you feel nauseous.

 

I realized that I couldn't even get up and that I needed help. A kind bystander came over to assist, but he didn't speak English and I don't speak Spanish. But. alas technology came to the rescue as he used Google translate to decipher my pleas for help in..."I need to call my wife!"

 

My phone had flown out of my hand and was inaccessible to me, but my new friend was able to retrieve it. I then called my wife trying to be calm, "Hey, how are you?" She said "I'm good, when are you going to be home?" My reply,  "Well, I'm hurt and I'm hurt bad, something has happened to my leg and I am in the landscaping at Fast Phil’s" (The name of the store)

 

Her words were few, "I'm on my way!"

 

I called a friend from work too because I knew, even though my wife is strong, she's considerably smaller than me and that she'd need some help moving my broken self around.

 

About 5 minutes after this I get a call, still laying in the landscaping and it was my wife.

 

"Where are you?"

 

"Well, I haven't moved, still in the landscaping"

 

"I don't see you!"

 

My reply, "Where are you, which store? (There are several of these around town)

 

"I'm at the one near our house!"

 

"Oh, I'm at the one near work"

 

Again, "I'm on my way" Of course she was at the wrong store but alas heading to the rescue!

 

So, with a little time, I began to contemplate life a bit. I came to the realization that things had changed for me. I did a little bit of the grieving process right there. I denied I was hurt, I got mad that I was hurt, I tried to bargain away my hurt and then in the span of about 30 seconds, I accepted the fact that I was hurt.

 

Little did I know what changes were headed our way and you can read more about that in Part 2 of the 2022 Doritos incident which will feature an ER, a misdiagnosis, and multiple bags of Doritos Nacho Cheese flavored chips.

 

I promise it won't be long Tony!